i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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