fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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