I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So squirting runs in the family.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
