I think I died a long time ago.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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