Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My ATM looks so different sober.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
