A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
