I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
