She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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