ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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