the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
