he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
