Just fell off a train. Bad.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
