I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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