my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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