Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
