i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
