Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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