If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this hospital has no fireball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
