Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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