Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
