I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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