Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
