where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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