Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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