And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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