Sorry, I don't speak sober.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
