i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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