The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
