I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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