I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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