Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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