I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
