lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
