what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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