Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
