I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
