Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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