What did we do last night that was yellow?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
