community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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