They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
