The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
