I hate all girls vehemently.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
