saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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