i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
