He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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