What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My life is pants optional.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
