the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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