he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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