What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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