Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could fuck to npr.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
