All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
